You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
