my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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