3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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