It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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