we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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