I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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