So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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