I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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