Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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