don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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