I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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