sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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