I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
