how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
