Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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