If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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