Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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