Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
