Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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