Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
