so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
