Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He did a backflip because drugs
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