and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
