Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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