My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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