I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
