When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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