oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
