you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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