We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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