So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
