Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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