this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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