This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
