Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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