I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
