and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
