SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
