Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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