So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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