dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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