I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
