My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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