actually, I'm a sock model
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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