Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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