he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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