I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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