It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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