I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
