I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
