when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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