dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
