I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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