She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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