i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
