I hate your face
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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