Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
