I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
