remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
