fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
