jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's get the cat blown out
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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