Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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