so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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