Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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