wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
