Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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