you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
