I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
