i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Found your dick twin last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
