i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
